Wiccan Wonders: Into the Forest Once More

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What does it mean to be "In the Broom Closet?"

Being "In the Broom Closet" in a newer term that Pagans use meaning that they haven’t come out about their religion publicly. There are many reasons why a person may do this, the most common being that they are afraid of how their friends, family, boss, etc. will react. It is perfectly find to stay "In the Broom Closet" if you feel you need to be, but realize that sometimes your fears aren’t backed by any logic or reason. In this article, I’ll try to help you figure out whether to stay in or come out, starting with some questions you may want to consider before deciding to open the door and step out.

Question #1: How will my family take it?

Your family is important, especially if you are very close to them. So make sure to consider their feelings. How will telling them you’re Wiccan affect them? Will it cause estrangement between you and them? This question is probably more important to teens, too. If you are under 18, it is your parents’ legal right to raise you in whatever religion they want. If you end up telling them you’re Wiccan and they say you can’t practice, do what they say. Wait until you’re 18 and then choose if you still want to be Wiccan or not.

Question #2: How will your friends take it?

Like your family, your friends play a big role in your life. Sometimes telling just one or even none of your friends will be for the best. Of course, if they really are your friends, they shouldn’t care about your religion, but it may be better to not tell them and not ruin a good friendship as a result of coming out. It’s okay to not tell everyone or even tell no one.

Question #3: How will your employer and/or co-workers react?

It’s true: sometimes work will get harder if you tell everyone you’re Wiccan or Pagan. People don’t always understand or agree with these religions and may treat you differently, even badly, if they know. But realize that you should never be afraid of being fired for being Wiccan. Legally, your employer cannot fire you because of your religion or beliefs. If you think you are being fired unfairly and/or you are being demoted at work because of your religion, please check out the How to Fight Discrimination in Your Area and Life page for more information on what to do. Also, if you feel your mistreatment isn’t bad enough to get the law involved, but it is really hurting you, you may want to consider talking to the person doing this. Sometimes quitting the job to find better is, well, better, but don’t always turn to "running away" from a problem you may be able to solve.

Question #4: How will your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner react?

Sometimes we wish that love really did trump all. But the cold hard truth is that sometimes people put their religion over their partner. As hard as it may be, you have to look deeply into your partner’s mind (if you have one, that is) and think: will they still love and accept me, or could this lead to a break-up? Remember that you shouldn’t ever have to leave your religion for your partner or vice versa. If your partner cares, they will not care what you believe in. It’s also more likely for them to care about what you believe if the relationship is newer. Make sure you look at this from every angle before deciding if, when, and/or how you’ll come out to them.

Question #5: Will it ultimately help or hurt you to come out?

Overall, you’ll just have to weigh the good and bad. The good would be you may feel better about yourself and will more freely be able to voice your opinion (and find other Pagans to talk to!). The bad, though, could be risking love, family, a job, etc. or feeling unsafe. Personally, I think the few good actually outweigh the bad. I’m more comfortable and able to study without the fear of being "found out" and I like that. But then again, I know that other people are in different situations that could put parts of their life (or even their life in general) in danger. It’s totally up to you in the end to decide if you’ll come out, when, to whom, how, etc. Make sure to think long and hard about this before making any choices.

Questions to Ask If You’ve Decided to Come Out

So you’ve decided to step out of the Broom Closet. Congratulations! Now you have a few more questions, though, to hopefully make it easier to do so.

Question #1: Who to tell?

There are many people in your life you may want to tell you are Wiccan. Then again, there are probably plenty you don’t want knowing. Carefully pick who you are all going to tell. How will your parents and other family take it? Maybe, when thinking about it, your father’s side of the family would be angered. In this case, it might be best not to tell them and instead tell only the people you trust. What about your friends? There may be one or more that could treat you differently if they knew. Sometimes it’s better to tell just some people, not all. Then again, if you trust them all, go ahead and tell them! Go over the people you know and/or interact with regularly. Will they freeze up when they see your pentacle necklace? Maybe you’ll want to tuck it under your shirt when they’re in the room, then. Make sure to consider everyone, even people like customers if you work in a business where you see them.

Question #2: When to tell?

It may not seem like a hard question at first, but it really is. When will you tell a certain person or people that you are Wiccan? Timing, like in all Wiccan practice, can be vital. It’s hard to decide a good time sometimes, so you may have to just wait and see. Personally, I ended up randomly telling my mother one night when we were alone even though I hadn’t planned to do that. Some of you may know a good time, though. Wait if you want or tell them right away. It may depend on the person. Also, don’t think you have to tell everyone at once. A few people at a time is okay, too.

Question #3: Where to tell?

Like the "When," "Where" is important. There are many places you could be with the person you are going to tell that are totally acceptable, but there are also places you shouldn’t come out. These places are usually bad because of what’s going on there at the time. If anything really important is happening, be it an award ceremony, before a job interview, etc., you’d be wise to wait until it’s over to tell them, especially if it’s them in the important event. Finding out things like that can cause stress in a person and you don’t want them to do something wrong because they are stressed.

Question #4: How to tell?

The "How" really depends on who you are telling. If you’re telling a parent or other family member, remember that they are just that: family. Maybe you could sit them down when you are alone and tell them you need to tell them something important. Don’t make them feel pressured to accept what you say or do right away and don’t make it sound like you’re just doing it to rebel. If you’re a teen, this is especially important. There are many parents that think it’s just a "phase" or that you’re just trying to rebel because, sadly enough, some teens do do that. They usually are not real Wiccan, though. Think before speaking to the person you want to talk to. Make sure you know what you’re going to say and how you can deal with any reaction they have. Hopefully they will be okay with it, but if they get angry, give them space. Like I said, it’s hard for people to accept these things sometimes, especially if their religion is important to them.

My Story

Because this topic is important to me, I’m willing to share with you all my story of coming out of the broom closet. Currently, the people that know I’m Wiccan are my mother, my sister (the two family members I live with), my friends, many of the people at my high school, and anyone else that has seen my pentacle necklace and understands it. No, my employer doesn’t know because he is a devout Christian and I don’t trust telling him. Also, the rest of the family I see (my mom’s side) doesn’t know, either, because they already think I’m weird and I don’t want them "blaming" my mom or anything. I wouldn’t do that to her, ever. The person it was hardest to come out to, though, the second being the people at school that aren’t my close friends, was my mother. We’re pretty close, but I knew that she was still Christian and didn’t know I wasn’t. I knew she didn’t know what Wicca was and even now I still explain things to her so she understands. It took me months to work up the courage to tell her, but I’m really glad I did. Like I said before, I didn’t plan on telling her; there were a few times I was tempted to, but didn’t.

It all started one night in the summer of 2007 (or was it earlier?) when I was going to the movies with two friends. I was waiting for them to pick me up when I realized me and my mom were home alone – and she was calm. I’m not saying she’s usually not calm, but she gets really stressed because she works a lot of hours to support us. I was somewhat pacing in the living room of our old house, watching out the window for them to arrive, when I realized I had to tell her then or I may never have gotten the chance until a long time from then. I took a few deep breathes, then turned to face her. "Mom?" I asked. She looked up from what she was reading on the couch. "I have to tell you something important." I said. Now, please note this dialogue may be a little off, but it’s close enough to capture the conversation without perverting it in any way. At this point she was looking at me, waiting for what I was going to say. If I recall correctly, I sat down on the other end of the couch, half turned to face her. "Mom…" I started. "I’m… not Christian any more." Although she denies it now, at this point she seemed to get…angry. Taken aback and confused. "What do you mean you’re not Christian?" she asked in a rush, the anger revealed in the way she asked this. "I mean I’m not Christian!" I half-yelled back, feeling her anger infecting me. I tried to calm down before continuing. "I’m Wiccan." I told her. I could tell she couldn’t understand. "It’s a Pagan religion." She still was a little confused. Less than a minute later, my friends pulled into the driveway. Saved. I remember saying they were there and leaving in a bit of a rush. Can you really blame me though? I was afraid of what she’d say! When I got into their van, I told my friend who already knew about my religion that I told my mom.